I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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