Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
