did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
