Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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