Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
