We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
