Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
