she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
