My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
