in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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