final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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