i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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