we have pet lesbian snakes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
