so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
