My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
