Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
