Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
