Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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