census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
