i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
