Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
