thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
