Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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