She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
