I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
