Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
