My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
