yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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