He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
