I just cut my nipple shaving
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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