He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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