You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
