I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
