Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
