Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
