i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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