I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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