Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
