You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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