Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
