I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
