i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
