Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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