What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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