I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
