I bet he comes in French.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
