We're like a lot better than the average bears
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
