Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
