I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
