She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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