...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
