I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
